What Services Are Included In Full-Service Boat Removal?

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What Services Are Included In Full-Service Boat Removal?


If you're searching this, you've probably already learned that "boat removal" means something very different depending on who picks up the phone.

We know because we hear it on nearly every first call. A customer hired someone who towed the boat but left the trailer. Or removed the hull but ignored the fluids soaking into the driveway. Or quoted $500 and invoiced $1,800 after the work was done. Partial removal is the industry's worst-kept secret — and it's the reason most of our customers come to us frustrated before we even start.

Full-service boat removal — the way we've defined it after thousands of jobs — means one call, one crew, one visit, and nothing left behind.

Here's what that actually includes when you hire Jiffy Junk:

  • Pre-removal assessment of vessel size, condition, access, and hazardous materials

  • Complete extraction from any location — driveways, backyards, tight spaces, waterfront

  • Trailer removal — including units that are rusted, flat-tired, or fused to the surface

  • Hazardous fluid and material handling per Clean Water Act and Oil Pollution Act requirements

  • Hull breakdown on-site when vessels can't be moved whole

  • Metal, engine, and component recycling through certified facilities

  • Fiberglass processing through approved waste channels — not standard dumpsters

  • Full site cleanup — no debris, no stains, no hardware left in the dirt

One team. One price. One visit. That's what full-service boat removal means to us because we've seen what happens when it doesn't.


TL;DR Quick Answers

What Is Boat Removal Service?

Boat removal service is the professional removal and responsible disposal of unwanted, damaged, abandoned, or end-of-life vessels from private property, driveways, backyards, marinas, and waterways.

After thousands of removals, here's what we've learned:

  • Most owners don't need the service until they do. The vessel has usually been sitting for years before someone makes the call

  • Every boat contains hazardous materials. Fuel, oil, coolant, batteries, and anti-fouling paint — all federally regulated under the Clean Water Act and Oil Pollution Act

  • "Removal" means different things depending on who you hire. Some companies tow the boat and leave the trailer, fluids, and cleanup to you. That's not removal — that's a partial job

What full-service boat removal actually covers:

  • Pre-removal assessment

  • Hazardous material handling and legal disposal

  • Safe vessel extraction from any location or condition

  • Trailer removal regardless of condition

  • On-site hull breakdown when the boat can't be extracted whole

  • Recycling of metals, engines, and salvageable components

  • Fiberglass hull processing through approved facilities

  • Complete site cleanup

Bottom line: If your boat isn't going back on the water, professional removal is the fastest, safest, and most cost-effective path forward — before deterioration turns a straightforward job into an expensive one.


Top Takeaways

  • "Full-service" means nothing if it doesn't include everything. We hear from customers every week who paid for "boat removal" and got a partial job. Boat towed but trailer left behind. Hull removed but fluids ignored. The price tripled after work started. Real full-service covers:

    • Pre-removal assessment

    • Hazardous material handling

    • Vessel extraction

    • Trailer removal

    • Hull breakdown if needed

    • Recycling and proper disposal

    • Complete site cleanup

  • If any of those are listed as "additional" or "upon request," you're looking at a base price designed for add-ons.

  • Every boat contains federally regulated hazardous materials — and that's the part most companies skip. Fuel. Oil. Coolant. Batteries. Anti-fouling paint. The Clean Water Act and Oil Pollution Act govern how these must be handled. Penalties reach up to $25,000 per day for improper discharge. When a removal company leaves you to deal with fluids and batteries, they haven't finished the job. They've handed you the hardest, most legally exposed part.

  • The trailer is almost always the most underestimated component. What we regularly see:

    • Tires dry-rotted to the rims

    • Frames rusted into concrete

    • Axles seized

    • Vegetation grown through the steel

  • Many companies take the boat and leave the trailer — or charge separately. Full-service means the trailer goes with the vessel regardless of condition. Cut apart on-site if necessary.

  • Waiting is the most expensive decision a boat owner can make. The federal data confirms it:

    • OSHA classifies vessel dismantling as high-hazard work — injury rates more than double construction

    • NOAA documents 200,000 boats reaching end-of-life annually with no national disposal infrastructure

    • The federal government spent $17.2 million removing vessels after a single hurricane season

  • Every month a boat sits, the hull cracks further, fluids leak deeper, and the trailer fuses harder to the ground. A two-hour job becomes a full-day project.

  • The standard should be simple: when we leave, there's nothing left for you to do. No second appointments. No follow-up charges. No fiberglass shards in the yard. No corroded bolts in the driveway. No trailer outline on the concrete. The space should look like the boat was never there. That's not a marketing term. It's the standard we hold every crew to on every single job.

Pre-Removal Assessment — What Happens Before We Touch the Boat

Every full-service removal starts with an assessment. This is the step most budget operators skip — and it's the reason their jobs go sideways.

When we evaluate a vessel, we're looking at more than size. We're looking at:

  • Structural integrity — Can the hull be moved whole or does it need on-site breakdown?

  • Fluid status — Is there fuel, oil, coolant, or standing water inside the vessel?

  • Trailer condition — Functional tires and frame? Rusted solid? Fused to the concrete or soil?

  • Access and clearance — Gate width, overhead obstructions, grade changes, distance to the street

  • Hazardous materials — Batteries, anti-fouling paint, deteriorated fiberglass, chemical residue

We've arrived at jobs where the customer said "small boat in the driveway" and we found a 24-foot vessel behind a fence with no gate, a trailer buried in three years of dirt, and a cabin full of corroded batteries. The assessment is what keeps the price accurate and the job on schedule. Without it, you're guessing — and guessing is how surprise invoices happen.

Hazardous Material Handling — The Part Most Companies Leave Out

Every boat — regardless of size or age — contains materials that are regulated under federal law. This isn't optional. It's not a suggestion. The Clean Water Act and Oil Pollution Act set clear requirements for how these materials must be handled and disposed of.

What we routinely find inside vessels:

  • Fuel and oil — Degrades over time, leaks into bilge, seeps into surrounding ground

  • Coolant and hydraulic fluid — Toxic to soil, groundwater, and marine environments

  • Lead-acid batteries — Corrode, leak acid, and cannot enter standard waste streams

  • Anti-fouling paint — Contains copper, zinc, and in older vessels, tributyltin — all classified as environmental hazards

  • Fiberglass dust and fragments — Respiratory irritant requiring proper containment during breakdown

A company that removes the boat but leaves you to deal with the fluids and batteries hasn't finished the job. They've handed you the hardest and most regulated part of it. Full-service means every hazardous material is identified, removed, and disposed of according to regulation — before the vessel leaves your property.

Vessel Extraction — Getting the Boat Out Regardless of Location

This is the physical removal — and it's where experience makes the biggest difference. A boat on a functional trailer in an open driveway is straightforward. That's maybe one in five jobs we take.

The other four look more like this:

  • Vessel in a backyard with a 36-inch gate opening

  • Boat on a trailer with seized axles and flat-rotted tires

  • Hull sitting directly on the ground — no trailer at all

  • Waterfront vessel partially submerged or beached on the bank

  • Multiple vessels stacked or stored together in a tight space

Each scenario requires different equipment, different crew planning, and different extraction methods. We've used rollers, winches, hydraulic dollies, and crane-assisted lifts depending on what the situation demands. The point of full-service is that none of this becomes the customer's problem to solve. We assess it, plan it, and execute it.

Trailer Removal — A Bigger Problem Than Most Owners Expect

Customers often assume the trailer is the easy part. In our experience, it's frequently the most complicated component of the entire job.

Here's what we see on a regular basis:

  • Tires dry-rotted and rims locked — The trailer hasn't rolled in years

  • Frame rusted to the surface — Especially on concrete or asphalt driveways where moisture sits underneath

  • Axles seized — Bearings corroded, making the trailer impossible to tow without mechanical intervention

  • Vegetation grown through the frame — Roots and vines wrapping around axles and cross members

  • No registration or VIN plate — Complicating legal disposal in some states

A lot of removal companies will take the boat and leave the trailer. Or charge separately for trailer removal as an add-on. Full-service means the trailer goes with the vessel — regardless of condition. If we have to cut it apart on-site to get it out, that's included.

Hull Breakdown — When the Boat Can't Leave in One Piece

Not every vessel can be extracted whole. When access is too tight, the hull is too deteriorated, or the boat is simply too large to navigate out of its location, on-site breakdown becomes necessary.

This is skilled work that involves:

  • Removing all remaining fluids and hazardous materials before any cutting begins

  • Sectioning the hull into manageable pieces using appropriate cutting tools

  • Containing fiberglass dust and debris throughout the process

  • Separating recyclable metals from non-recyclable hull material

  • Loading and securing sections for transport to appropriate facilities

We don't approach breakdown as demolition. It's a controlled disassembly that protects the property, the surrounding environment, and our crew. Fiberglass dust alone is a significant respiratory hazard — proper containment and protective equipment aren't extras. They're requirements.

Recycling and Disposal — Where Everything Goes

Full-service doesn't end when the boat leaves your property. What happens next is what separates responsible removal from a company that dumps everything in the nearest landfill.

Our disposal process routes every material to the appropriate facility:

  • Engines, outdrives, and metal components — Certified metal recyclers

  • Trailers and steel frames — Scrap recycling facilities

  • Lead-acid batteries — Licensed hazardous waste processors

  • Fuel, oil, and fluids — Approved hazardous material disposal sites

  • Fiberglass hulls — Specialized waste facilities equipped to handle fiber-reinforced plastic

  • Usable parts and hardware — Salvage and resale channels when condition allows

NOAA has documented the environmental damage caused by improper vessel disposal — from microplastic contamination to fuel sheens spreading across waterways. We've seen that damage firsthand on jobs where previous owners or operators cut corners. Proper disposal isn't a line item. That's the whole point.

Site Cleanup — The Step That Defines Full-Service

This is where most removal companies stop short and where we draw the sharpest line.

After the vessel and trailer are gone, we complete a full site cleanup:

  • All debris, hardware, and loose materials removed

  • Fluid stains assessed and treated where possible

  • Ground surface cleared of rust fragments, fiberglass shards, and corroded parts

  • Surrounding area inspected for anything that migrated during the vessel's time on-site

When we leave, the space should look like a boat was never there. That's the standard. Customers who've used other services before us tell us this step alone is the biggest difference during an estate cleanout because they expected it the first time and didn't get it.

How to Know You're Getting Actual Full-Service

Not every company that advertises "full-service" delivers it. Before hiring any boat removal company, confirm that the following are included in the quoted price:

  • Hazardous material removal and legal disposal

  • Trailer removal regardless of condition

  • On-site breakdown if the vessel can't be extracted whole

  • Recycling and proper waste processing — not just landfill dumping

  • Complete site cleanup after removal

  • One visit — no second appointments or follow-up charges

If any of those items are listed as "additional" or "upon request," you're not looking at full-service. You're looking at a base price designed to get a crew on-site with add-ons that inflate the final bill.

At Jiffy Junk, every item on that list is standard. One call. One price. One visit. Our White Glove Treatment from assessment through final cleanup.


"The biggest complaint we hear from new customers isn't about price — it's about the last company that left the job half done. They removed the boat but left the trailer rusted into the driveway. Or they hauled away the hull but didn't touch the fluids leaking into the soil. We built our full-service model specifically because of those calls. Every step exists for a reason — the assessment prevents surprise costs, hazardous material handling keeps the job legal and safe, and site cleanup means you're not picking fiberglass shards and corroded bolts out of your yard for the next six months. When you’re comparing providers using a dumpster rental checklist, this is the difference to look for. When we say full-service, we mean there's nothing left for you to do, call, or clean up after we leave. That's not a marketing term for us. It's the standard we hold every crew member to on every single job."


Essential Resources

Understanding what full-service boat removal actually requires — from federal disposal regulations to the safety hazards involved in vessel breakdown — puts you in a much stronger position before you hire anyone. We point customers to these seven resources regularly because they cover the exact questions we hear on nearly every call: What's required by law? What makes this job dangerous? And why does professional removal cost what it costs?

1. Understand What Federal Law Requires Before Any Vessel Is Disposed Of

EPA — Disposal of Vessels at Sea

We recommend this as a starting point for any owner trying to understand what vessel disposal actually involves at the federal level. The EPA requires removal of all pollutants — fuel, oil, lubricants, PCBs, asbestos, and plastics — before any vessel can be legally disposed of. We follow these requirements on every job, and it's worth understanding why before you hire anyone.

2. Learn Why Vessel Breakdown Requires Trained Crews — Not Just a Truck and a Saw

OSHA — Shipbreaking Fact Sheet

Customers sometimes ask why they can't just cut the boat apart themselves. This is the resource we wish everyone would read first. OSHA classifies vessel dismantling as high-hazard work — confined spaces, toxic materials, structural instability, and environmental exposure are all in play. Our crews follow these safety standards on every breakdown job because the risks are real and well-documented.

3. See What Responsible End-of-Life Vessel Management Looks Like From Start to Finish

NOAA — End-of-Life Vessel Material Management Guide

This is the most thorough federal resource we've found on the full vessel disposal process — preparation, dismantling, transportation, material separation, and recycling. We use it internally as a reference and recommend it to any owner who wants to understand what separates a complete, responsible removal from a company that's cutting corners.

4. Find Out Why Fiberglass Hull Disposal Is the Most Complicated Part of Any Removal

NOAA — Building a Fiberglass Boat Recycling Program

We deal with fiberglass hulls on the majority of our jobs, and customers are almost always surprised to learn that this material can't go in a standard dumpster or recycling stream. NOAA estimates roughly 200,000 recreational boats reach end-of-life annually — most with fiberglass hulls that require specialized processing. This resource explains why hull disposal drives a significant portion of removal cost and complexity.

5. Know What Hazardous Materials Are on Your Boat and How They Must Be Handled

BoatUS Foundation — Disposal of Toxic Waste

We see it on nearly every job — fuel that's been sitting for years, corroded batteries leaking acid, antifreeze pooled in the bilge, bottom paint flaking into the soil. The BoatUS Foundation breaks down the common hazardous materials found on recreational vessels and the federal laws — including the Oil Pollution Act and Clean Water Act — that govern their disposal. If a removal company isn't addressing these materials, they're not doing the job.

6. Understand the Physical Risks That Make DIY Vessel Breakdown Dangerous

OSHA — Shipbreaking: Common Hazards eTool

We recommend reading this before attempting any vessel work yourself. OSHA's interactive guide covers every major hazard our crews train for — flammable atmospheres, toxic chemical exposure, confined space risks, fall hazards, and heavy equipment operation. We've seen DIY attempts go wrong in exactly the ways this resource describes. Vessel breakdown is classified as high-hazard work under federal standards for a reason.

7. Get Clear on Your Legal Liability as the Vessel Owner

33 CFR Part 245 — Federal Wreck Removal Regulations

This is the one we wish more boat owners read early. Federal regulation places primary removal responsibility — and financial liability — squarely on the vessel owner. That includes the cost of removal, disposal, and any environmental damage caused by a deteriorating vessel. Customers who address the boat now avoid the escalating legal exposure that comes with waiting. We recommend reading it before committing to any path forward.


Supporting Statistics

We've been doing this long enough to see the same patterns repeat across thousands of jobs. Federal agencies now have the data to confirm what we've been telling customers for years.

1. We remove boats every single day — and the federal data explains why the phone never stops ringing.

The National Marine Manufacturers Association estimates 2–3% of all recreational boats in the U.S. reach end-of-life status every year. That's approximately 200,000 vessels annually.

There's no national infrastructure to handle them:

  • No recycling program for fiberglass hulls

  • No trade-in system

  • No clear disposal path for most owners

We hear it on nearly every call: "I didn't know who to contact" or "I've been trying to figure this out for months."

Most of those 200,000 vessels end up sitting — in driveways, backyards, and marina lots — until someone finally makes the call.

2. Every hull breakdown our crews perform falls under what OSHA classifies as high-hazard work — with an injury rate more than double construction and general industry.

We train for this specifically. Standard conditions on a vessel breakdown job include:

  • Confined spaces

  • Flammable atmospheres

  • Toxic material exposure

  • Structural instability

  • Heavy equipment operation

These aren't exceptions. They're every job.

When a hull is too deteriorated to extract whole or access is too tight, our crews section it on-site — protecting the property, the environment, and themselves. That's skilled, safety-regulated work. Not a weekend project.

Customers who attempted DIY breakdown or hired untrained help tell us the same story: damaged driveways, downed fences, fiberglass dust everywhere, and an unfinished job that cost more than professional removal would have from the start.

3. Federal law authorizes civil penalties of up to $25,000 per day for improper discharge of oil or hazardous substances from a vessel — and most boat owners don't realize their property is already at risk.

Under 33 U.S.C. § 1321 of the Clean Water Act, vessel owners face:

  • Up to $25,000 per day of violation

  • Up to $1,000 per barrel of oil discharged into navigable waters or adjoining shorelines

Nearly every boat we remove has some combination of:

  • Degraded fuel

  • Leaking oil

  • Corroded battery acid

  • Contaminated coolant

These fluids have often been seeping into soil or groundwater for years before the owner calls us.

When we drain and properly dispose of these materials as part of our full-service removal, we're not adding a step for the sake of it. We're handling the part of the job that carries the most legal and environmental weight — and the part most other companies skip entirely.

4. The federal government spent $17.2 million removing vessels after a single hurricane season — and we see that same pattern play out on individual properties where boats sit too long.

After Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria in 2017, NOAA allocated $17.2 million in disaster relief funding to remove thousands of displaced vessels across six states and U.S. territories.

That price tag wasn't for new damage. It was largely for boats that were already:

  • Deteriorating

  • Leaking

  • Abandoned

Then a storm surge pushed them into waterways and coastlines.

We see the residential version constantly. A vessel that would have been a straightforward two-hour removal three years ago is now a full-day job because:

  • The hull cracked

  • The trailer rusted into the concrete

  • Fluids leaked into the ground

  • Vegetation grew through the frame

The math is always the same — waiting costs more. The federal data just proves it at scale.

Boat removal isn’t a simple haul-away job, and the federal data proves why acting early matters since end-of-life vessels, OSHA-classified high-hazard work, and Clean Water Act penalties can turn an unwanted boat into a costly liability during major projects like kitchen remodeling.


Final Thoughts & Opinion

Our Take: The Best Time to Remove a Boat Is Before You Have To

We've removed thousands of vessels across the country. Pristine marinas. Overgrown backyards. Properties mid-sale. Estates where families were already overwhelmed.

Every job reinforces the same opinion:

The right time to remove your boat is the moment you realize it's not going back on the water.

Not next season. Not when you "get around to it." Not when the code enforcement notice arrives. Right now — while the job is still simple.

What We Wish Every Boat Owner Knew

Most calls follow the same arc:

  • Someone bought a boat with great intentions

  • Life changed

  • The boat sat

  • Now they can't sell it, can't donate it, can't afford to repair it, and don't know how to get rid of it

Here's what we've learned from being on the other end of those calls:

  • The boat disposal system in America is fundamentally broken. No trade-in program. No national recycling infrastructure. No clear path from "I'm done with this boat" to "the boat is gone." The industry made buying easy and left owners on their own when it's time to let go

  • Most people have already tried everything before they call us. The marina. Donation programs. Free listings on Craigslist. Haulers who never showed up. By the time they reach Jiffy Junk, they're not shopping — they're exhausted

  • The emotional weight is real. A boat sitting in your yard for years isn't just a physical problem. It's a daily reminder of something unfinished. Customers tell us the relief isn't just about the space — it's about finally closing the chapter

Why "Professional" Boat Removal Matters More Than People Think

We hear it occasionally: "Why would I pay someone when I could figure it out myself?"

The honest answer based on what we see in the field:

  • Hazardous materials are almost always involved. Fuel. Oil. Coolant. Batteries. Anti-fouling paint. The Oil Pollution Act and Clean Water Act govern how these must be handled. Improper disposal isn't just irresponsible — it's illegal

  • Fiberglass doesn't go in the dumpster. Roughly 200,000 boats reach end-of-life annually. Most have fiberglass hulls that can't enter standard waste streams. NOAA has spent years and millions of dollars researching responsible disposal. It's not a weekend project

  • The physical risk is significant. Boats are heavy, awkward, and often structurally compromised. DIY attempts end with damaged driveways, downed fences, injured backs, and boats halfway onto a trailer before everything went sideways

  • Abandonment carries legal liability. 33 CFR Part 245 places primary removal responsibility on the owner. Walking away doesn't erase your obligation — it creates a legal one

Professional removal isn't a luxury. It's the responsible path for your property, your community, and the environment.

The One Thing We'd Change About This Industry

Boat owners shouldn't have to become experts in environmental regulations, federal tax law, and hazardous waste disposal just to get rid of a vessel.

The fact that someone needs to:

  • Read IRS Publication 4303

  • Cross-reference EPA ocean dumping guidelines

  • Check state vessel turn-in programs

  • Research fiberglass recycling feasibility reports

…just to understand their options tells you where the system has failed.

We built our service to be the opposite:

  • One call. Not six agencies, three voicemails, and a stack of paperwork

  • One price. Transparent, upfront, no surprises — the quote is the quote

  • One team. Licensed, insured, equipped, and trained for every aspect of the job

  • One visit. We show up, do the work, and leave your space clean. Done

Where We Stand

Every statistic on this page points to the same conclusion. Boat disposal in America is a growing problem the existing infrastructure can't keep up with:

  • 200,000 vessels reaching end-of-life annually

  • Over $69 million in federal funding committed because communities can't handle the backlog

  • Millions of pounds of debris pulled from a single state's coastline

  • The number keeps climbing

Nobody buys a boat thinking about disposal day. But that day comes — and when it does, the owner deserves:

  • Straight answers instead of a runaround

  • A company that shows up when it says it will

  • A team that handles the vessel properly — recycling what can be recycled, disposing of hazardous materials by regulation, and leaving the property clean

  • A price that's fair, honest, and final

That's what we've built at Jiffy Junk. Same White Glove Treatment we bring to every job. The size of the item changes. The standard doesn't.

If your boat isn't going back on the water, don't let it sit another season. The data is clear. The experience is clear. The path forward is simple.

Call 844-JIFFY-JUNK or book online at jiffyjunk.com/booking — we'll handle everything so you can finally move on.




FAQ on Boat Removal Service

Q: How much does boat removal service cost in 2026?

A: After thousands of removals, most jobs cost $500-$5,000. Here's what determines your price:

Typical costs by scenario:

  • 20-foot boat, trailer, open driveway: $800-$1,500

  • Same boat, no trailer, tight backyard: Add $400-$800

  • 30+ foot vessels: $2,200-$3,800

  • Hazmat handling (fuel, oil, batteries): Add $300-$600

What we've learned: Access matters more than size. We've removed 25-foot boats in 2 hours and spent all day on 16-footers in impossible spots.

Jiffy Junk promise: Quote price = final price. No surprise fees on arrival.

Q: What types of boats can removal services take?

A: If it floated once, we remove it. No exceptions.

We remove:

  • Sailboats, motorboats, pontoons, cabin cruisers

  • Jet skis, kayaks, canoes, houseboats

  • Any size: 12-foot dinghies to 40+ foot yachts

Condition doesn't matter:

  • Boats that haven't run in 20+ years

  • Vessels with trees growing through them

  • Fiberglass hulls that barely resemble boats

  • Trailers rusted into ground

Your boat doesn't need to: Run, be seaworthy, or look presentable.

Q: What happens to my boat after removal service picks it up?

A: Eco-responsible disposal on every job—because we've seen what happens when vessels get dumped.

Our disposal process:

  • Aluminum/steel: Certified recycling facilities

  • Engines/electronics: Salvaged when possible

  • Fuel/oil/batteries: EPA-compliant disposal

  • Fiberglass hulls: Approved disposal channels

Why this matters: Washington State removed 1,205+ abandoned vessels since 2002. We'd rather do it right than add to that problem.

Q: Do I need to prepare my boat before removal service arrives?

A: Minimal prep required.

You do:

  • Clear path to vessel

  • Remove items you want to keep

We handle:

  • Draining all fluids

  • Disconnecting batteries

  • All disassembly

  • All heavy lifting

  • Loading and transport

  • Complete cleanup

What doesn't faze us:

  • Debris inside (2 feet of leaves common)

  • Wasp nests in cabins

  • Trailers rusted into ground

  • Boats unmoved for 15+ years

Your job: Point. Everything else is White Glove Treatment.

Q: How quickly can boat removal service schedule pickup?

A: Most removals happen within a few days to one week.

Our process:

  • Contact us with boat details

  • Get upfront quote quickly

  • Choose convenient time

  • Receive confirmation with arrival window

  • We arrive on schedule, fully equipped

Typical timeframes:

  • Most boats: 2-4 hours

  • Larger vessels: Half day or more

  • Complex access: Full day (we tell you upfront)

Betsy Defilippis
Betsy Defilippis

Wannabe baconaholic. Wannabe coffee evangelist. Typical zombie scholar. Total zombie fanatic. Subtly charming social media ninja.